Thoughts from a balcony - 11/16/25

Sometime in the wee small hours of an early cold mid November morning, I sat on my balcony having my routine morning wake and bake sesh and began reminiscing on a conversation with a friend. My buddy, an elder gentleman in his mid 50s had devoted the last 20 plus years of his life to military service. In the Army he was boss, he had reached the top rank he could reach, had a stellar career. He was a great leader, a great mentor, friend, father, son, husband, you name it. The dude was solid. He was telling me he was about to retire and had no idea who he was outside of the Army. He had no real hobbies, was gunna be set with his retirement check, but had no idea what he was going to do with his life or who he was outside the uniform. A few years have since passed, and I’m sure he’s figured all that shit out by now. It’s easy to get lost. Several times a month I’m having some type of internalized break down… “who am I?, what am I doing with my life?… etc”. I think it’s more important to focus on who you want to be. If you get lost, you can always reorient yourself to who you want to be. If you focus more on who I am in the moment (also important), you can get stuck, lost. I also have been thinking about the Buddhist Idea of no fixed self. There is no such thing, the self, you, the person who hears the voice, feels the emotions, or stimuli, that self, is not fixed but ever changing.